Terrace Trash reflects on the moments you may have missed on
the campaign trail as some familiar faces put their manifestos to the great
Gloucester electorate voting in the tiny 'rotten borough' of Meadow Park.
The Board Party
Many of their constituents remember their past record, which
is not always good a benefit to their hopes of re-election. Crucially still
seemingly suffering from the lack of a clear policy on the key issue of 'what do we do
Superficially the internal divisions seem to have been solved, but the
leadership issue is never far from anyone's thoughts. The question of who really
runs the show continues to deflect from other issues and rumours of secret
briefings against former colleagues add little to tempt the floating voter.
Suggestions were made during the campaign that they may be somewhat divorced from the
electorate and unable to empathise with the ordinary person on the terrace.
Private polling research suggested the party should target the crucial swing votes of
'hot-dog man', but this seems unlikely to bring them the majority acceptance
they need to recapture the country's hearts.
Further hampered by a lack of media awareness and failure to engage in an open
debate on the key issues. Slogans such as 'Keep the (Lorry) Pound' and 'In
Crisis, but not run by Crisis' seemed irrelevant to more general concerns such as the funding of key services and paying off
Boasting about fourteen pints downed for breakfast made everyone laugh but convinced
no-one this was the person to have their finger on the button - regardless of
what the button did.
The 'New' Supporters Club
Sure to gain a further term of office but will then find expectations of serious delivery
only add to the pressure. The key
to their continued popularity is having proven their economic aptitude with the finances
and also being able to point to some real successes in fundraising. However they
will have to show they have been "prudent for a purpose" and face up
to some difficult spending decisions.
Foreign policy may also cause future difficulties as they negotiate closer tie
with those making the decisions in the Brussels boardroom, while still maintaining independence
and the support of the old Supporters Club heartlands.
Have fought a clever campaign by
smiling a lot at everyone. A winning combination sure to win over a broad wave
of support. However despite their likely landslide the problem of apathy and
falling turnout at the polling turnstiles is bound to be a long term
All in all though a land of promise for the future, a vision of success and a
new dawn for the many and not for the few. We can but wait.
Lunatic Fringe Fans Alliance
Ah, a cry from a distant age. The picket
lines full, the proles screaming at the bosses. Wake up Grandad it's a new era
Rejected by the voters this time, but you have to admire their stubbornness.
Sing the yellow flag with gusto and will be the first to the barricades if
Meadow Park ever takes up arms in revolt. Until that time the dreams of
nationalising the club will just have to wait until the GM pigs start
Nice donkey jackets though.
No one doubts the mans ability to create a sensation on the
scene, but only time will tell if he has the ambition to take his party forward
to victory. Has shown he can dominate the odd town pitch here and there, but does he have the
stamina and desire to dig that bit deeper and take the shires of southern
England by storm in the quest for glory?
Has been sidelined by some of the campaigns more bruising encounters, but has
proved some of his critics wrong by hanging in there through a grueling schedule
Considered so solid on environmental issues he's often seen covered in the very grass and
mud he cares so much about. Never happier than when trying to tunnel deep
underground with only his football boots for shovels. Key campaign issue this
time out was recycling, demonstrated by the mans own example of re-using body
parts of opposition players to replace his own as various limbs, ribs and facial
features dropped off.
Problem for the campaign though is ultimately who cares about the green stuff
when there's so much money to worry about?
Tommy Callinan 'Provisional' Wing
Fought in the past under the slogan "by the boot and the
ballot" and constantly troubled by his failure to convince skeptics the old
weapons of war had been permanently put beyond use.
The old ways had shown some success but has shown signs of
being that little bit out of his depth when in charge of crucial campaign
decisions. Undermined by a constant flow of defections by high profile
colleagues and undermined by fiscal misfortunes.
Fought a bruising campaign, not afraid of confrontation but ultimately perhaps
undermined by his readiness to go on the offensive. Caught by the cameras
throwing a punch at a particularly bad haircut and never really regained the respect of the
electorate or party colleagues.
Amidst all the intense and serious debate over vital issues it's
good that we all have an opportunity to have a laugh at the whole thing, and God
knows the Monster Raving Looney United Battle Bus certainly did that. The
excellent idea of spending all the national fund on a bus instead of key
services made everyone chuckle. Expect more yogic flying from them in the
Have also coped well with the embarrassment of holding a 'Victory Rally' and
having no-one turn up. Enjoyed a good campaign this time out and expect them to
continue their success until the novelty eventually wears off and everyone packs
off for home.